Florence keeps treating me well and feeding me good vibes for breakfast – in fact, I am planning a comeback already, half way through my current stay :) It now definitely starts to feel like summer down here, with the temperature at times rising up to 17 degrees with sun! On the weekend I and a friend took a small trip to near-by town Fiesole, overlooking Firenze. Such pretty views and and a cool archaeological open-air museum with an old Roman theatre and spa. It goes without saying that the food was amazing there, too. What can I say, this city feels exactly where I ought to be right now – I‘m loving it.

School continues to be interesting, and the learning content gets more challenging. At times I do get frustrated, but what keeps me motivated is the fact that the training clearly continues to raise my confidence levels to actually use the language. I have engaged in small talk with locals and school friends, so stretching beyond my up-until-now restricted skills in only ordering food or beverages and saying hi and thanks - yay! The Parola school is offering fascinating afternoon program and last week I attended a cultural class, a city tour and a joint restaurant outing – it’s been great meeting other students from all around the world, practicing and experiencing all things Italian together. This week a museum visit to Palazzo Vecchio, an Italian film and joint aperitivos are on the agenda. There is a vibrant community around and loads going on.

The beautiful Palazzo Pitti, the Arno river and Fiesole feat. Natalia, Cass & the Roman amphitheatre

We are naturally all different when it comes to the components in our lives that contribute to our energy levels in a social context; some feel drained or even anxious after the smallest social interaction (hello to the Finns!) while others cannot even stand the thought of being alone. I am somewhere in between the two extremes; I get very excited to connect with others while discussing and debating topics and generally enjoy company, also getting to know new people. On the other hand, I need a relatively generous dose of me-time to gain back the balance in me. As cool as a trip or night out might have been, I usually cannot wait to get home to spend some time with good old Cassie-O. Me-time doesn’t have to be a spa weekend get-away, it can simply be half an hour on your own during e.g. your morning routine. Or a year. Whatever you like really. The peculiar thing is that without having spent enough me-time, I might feel resentful of socializing - the activity I in general am so fond of.

When it came to deciding on the accommodation format during my time in Italy, it was a total no-brainer to go with spending significantly more money on having flats to myself versus renting out rooms in shared apartments. Couch surfing for example is totally out of question for me. I have stayed in small B & B’s here at times, which have their own charm and benefits and have no problem crashing on a friend’s sofa for a week, but when it comes to the longer-term stays, the accommodation types need to be 100 % Cass-time proofed.

Even while struggling to stay completely true to some other aspects of my authentic code (the components of my core essence and values that connect who I am with what I do), this is one area that I am very clear about: I know I need my space and time and am willing to invest the required resources to make this physically possible. Now, having your own space is an excellent start, but the second part is the crucial one; calling the shots on when to take use of it. I.e. recognizing when the social barometer is at its limit and thus when me-time is required --> making this reality. This is the trickier part; planning, reacting and communicating around one’s personal limits or boundaries. It certainly sometimes requires to say “no” – my all-time favourite personal development area.

In addition to the logistics, also circumstances and behaviour during social situations matter. It is possible to be all-in with extra spices and actively act as a “social situational host”, aiming to include and engage everyone in the room in the discussion about the oh so delightful weather today, and thinking already about the next topic to initiate (e.g. “OMG I’m so tired, who can relate??”). One can also choose to stay in the background (politely laughing at the situational host’s potentially awkward jokes and answering their questions) or perhaps to just be present, but passive on the output side (listening, but not necessarily even showing it or maybe contributing with an occasional side comment / undefinable grunt / eye contact to demonstrate some sort of participation). In terms of energy consumption, it also matters how authentic one can be in the given situation. How much energy is being put into what everyone else thinks and expects from one and trying to act up these standards, versus simply acting as oneself while ignoring the external assumptions. I believe these aspects vary and depend on the group or person dynamics, environment and timing.

Like with many things in life, I think that to a certain point people can get used to situations or circumstances and learn to cope. So, if one is required to deal with either one of the options (needing to spend more time with others / alone) it can be managed, no matter what the preference around socializing actually is and I believe to some extent we all need to make compromises here.

Whether the experience is enjoyable or not, is a different question and not so simple: someone might enjoy being in company, but only with certain or certain kind of people or only for a limited amount of time or specific time of the day. Some need constant me-time moments in their daily lives in-between interactions, whereas others only need to fuel up on occasional me-time in a more spontaneous manner. Some might spend a lot of involuntary alone time (as in feeling lonely), perhaps lacking the social skillset to connect with others. Someone else aims to desperately engage with any person willing (or not) to hang out with maximum effort just to avoid having to spend me-time under any circumstance. Others might simply not be clear on what works best for them, or maybe have a conflict between knowing what they need, but not applying that into life - possibly out of fear, confusion or uncertainty. Naturally socializing doesn’t only necessarily happen physically nowadays, and many prefer to connect online. The rise of the world wide web makes this topic more accurate than ever.

Obviously, our socialization needs and the nuances around them vary throughout life, but it is essential to pay attention to these. My recent empirical research (based on no scientific evidence whatsoever) proofs to me that having spent more than the usual amount of me-time has provided the possibility to get in touch with myself to figure out my current needs. Interestingly I noticed that an increase in me-time can feel addictive or difficult at times - oddly even simultaneously so. Social situations have played a very significant role in this life phase with both new persons I have gotten to know recently and those who populate a long-term spot in my life. I have paid more attention to how they have made me feel; what sort of behaviour or people push my buttons or increase my energy reserves especially, and also observing the ways I contribute to social situations and why.

My modest life experience has so far taught me that overstepping one’s limits here can be unpleasant at the minimum. Humans are social beings, but sometimes the noise out there gets pretty loud and we need to privately regroup to get back in touch with ourselves. The balance that works for one, can be a recipe for disaster to someone else. Of course, a lot of different things affect our energy levels, but I believe that especially this day and age the social context plays a crucial role in draining or gaining fuel. 

When shit his the fan and energy is running out, you’re the one suffering from the consequences - the collateral damage often also hits the nearest and dearest. When all energy is used up and even the back-up tanks have been drained and still not enough actions are taken to fill up the reserves, the survival mode inside of us kick-starts; whatever shape or format this takes in your case. Personal examples from my life: the impatient bitch, a self-critical creep or Grumpasaurus Rex. It’s easier to talk about actions, rather than indeed taking them, but I think becoming aware of the status quo and own needs, plus being conscious during social / me-time moments could be a good start to managing shifts, if these are desired. 

What lights you up energy-wise; a heavier dose of me-time or surrounding yourself with the crowd or your homie + in what proportion and under which circumstances?

The Roman spa & amphiteatre in Fiesole, a happy Cass at Ponte Vecchio, delicious gelato and Neapolitan pizza and colorful spices at the market

In this week’s closing remarks I would like to express my huge excitement and anticipation of going to see a football match this Saturday! I don’t remember ever being at a proper big match before and I am preparing to support Fiorentina to win against Milan – I cannot wait!

Stay well & bacio! 💋 Cass