The real Italian experience

Monday, 25 May 2020

Buonasera!

Today I’m popping back to write a report on the current situation here, my wonderful experience from the last months and the aspects I will take with me when I eventually leave this place.

I’ve been “stuck” in Passoscuro, a small town right next to Rome since March, so I’ve been here for three months at this point. My original plan was to stay two weeks, explore Rome and near-by places and enjoy the sea in Passoscuro, then go hiking in the famous Cinque Terre area and jump on a ferry to Sardinia for a month. I had arranged to do a two-week voluntary work period on this small organic farm that produces etheric oils, herbs and olive oil and the idea was to explore the island after that for the remaining two weeks. After this, my aunt was returning and we had planned to take over the Amalfi coast and the south of Italy – Capri island and Bari, Matera and some other interesting looking places down south. Family and friends were planning and boking trips to visit me around summer.

Well, my plans were simply not meant to play out this way. During the lockdown I have gained some valuable insights to how I want to spend the rest of my adventure, as slowly life will resume somewhere closer to normal and new travel plans can be made. It turns out that being stuck in Passoscuro has offered me the most amazing experience - I could not have wished for a better turnaround for my trip, in fact. To be honest, planning to leave this place feels rather intimidating at this stage.

Passoscuro is a small beach resort at the Tyrrhenian Sea, only a 20-minute train ride away from the hustle and bustle of Rome. I chose this location, as am not super keen on driving inside big cities, and as a thalassophile (sea lover), I was intrigued about Passoscuro, as it offers both a short commune to the city and a possibility to spend time in nature. I found the apartment on Air B n B – it had amazing reviews and looked fantastic and topped all my expectations in real life. On the last day of February, I arrived here; little did I know that I would sit here, on the balcony of this same apartment three months later, equipped with heart-warming memories, a new bonus family, a COVID-19 quarantine experience and a tan.


The beautiful surroundings of Passoscuro and its beach and the cherry-picking crew in action at the country house


The quarantine started in the beginning of March, and the family owning the apartment immediately assured me that I could stay put here during the lockdown, as traveling was banned and returning home wasn’t an option for me. A few weeks into the total lockdown (in Italy we were only allowed to exit for necessary grocery / pharmacy trips) and full-on solitude on my part, my host family invited me over to eat some ice cream – at an appropriate safety distance in the garden. As naturally the restaurants were closed, the family supported the local gelateria by ordering home deliveries of ice cream to enjoy at home. My host family lives in the apartment below my rental one, and I happily accepted this friendly invite.

Ever since this first joint ice cream, the family consisting of Nicole, her husband and their girls aged nine and five  adopted me into their family. I first attended the home school mornings with Nicole and their oldest child, when Italian was on, to listen in and trying to learn myself. Then we got into trying new recipes and I got lessons of how to make Fettucine pasta, gnocchi, Tiramisu, cakes, pizza and more from scratch – our cooking sessions resulted in variating success levels. After our daily lunches we enjoyed the sun in the garden and witnessed the spring and slowly also summer arrive in full swing. From my months spent in Italy, our countless garden talks with Nicole, Italian movie recommendations and every-day life with this lovely family, I started to puzzle together quite a realistic picture of the Italian culture and lifestyle.

I now know that the best way to learn Italian is being adopted to an Italian family and recommend this to everyone. Nicole’s English is excellent and we do speak English when we want to discuss actual matters and I wish to contribute something smart to the conversation, but with everyone else I’ve been speaking Italian. Hearing everyday chatter, situations and topics being discussed in Italian has been a tremendous learning opportunity – also, interacting with kids has been super helpful and fun! With phase 1 and 2 of the lockdown, I have had the pleasure to also meet other extended family members and friends and have spoken and learned more Italian than ever before – not to mention getting to know these lovely humans.

Not only hearing about the Italian culture, but actually witnessing and living it has been such a special experience which only this strange lockdown period could have offered me in this way and extent. The highlights of the last three months for me have been: everyday lockdown life (with all its challenges and bizarreness) with my Italian bonus family, our special quarantine birthday party with a very happy 9-year old, cooking & language school, visiting the Nonnis here in Passoscuro and playing with the kids in their amazing garden (with lemon and other fruit trees!), the trip to Soriano nel Cimino to visit the other Nonnis’ idyllic country house, where we picked cherries, played in the fields and made cheese (called Primosale).

In the last weeks I also experienced an overwhelming feeling of freedom, when exiting the house for a walk on the beach, as well as the first drive outside of the town, after months of total stand-still. I have properly settled into this flat and town and I feel that I have done quite a jump in getting to know myself during this period – this journey inwards is at times extremely uncomfortable and sad even, but overall a pleasure in its totality. Soaking in the sun, reading piles and piles of books and podcasts are really feeding my soul, too.

Since May the lockdown limitations have slowly been lifted, phase by phase. Currently for example we can move outside (wearing masks) within the region we live in, we can meet friends and family, but must avoid big reunions, shops and restaurants have opened and the beach can be accessed (individually, for sports activities only). In June, moving across the country will be possible (at least to some extent), the boarders are opened and new rules for the beaches and other institutions will be introduced.



Cheese-making in action, the amazing country house in Soriano del Cimino and the beautiful fields


Like us, inevitably also every culture has its own challenges and downsides, and having the opportunity to become familiar with a new culture gives great perspective to reflect on ones’ own(s). I will write about these findings another time, but today I want to focus on a few positives of the Italian lifestyle – the aspects that I want to cherish and take to heart, carry with me on my path in this life.   

Coming from Finland, social distancing had a completely different meaning to me, compared to my Italian bonus family. Socializing, spending weekends, having lunches and dinners, visits, activities and outings with friends and family is much more strongly integrated to the local culture, which made the distancing extremely challenging for many around here; joint and shared activities are not just rare or occasional events, but a big part of everyday life. Yet I realized that it is not only about planning and doing things together – there is an entirely different way of considering the community in the local living environment; the concept of family has a very unique meaning around here.

The way I have been accepted in this community has truly overwhelmed me. Family and friends welcome me with open arms, showering me with warmth, friendliness and an incredible level of hospitality. I have witnessed and been explained to that all friends are family members; this includes neighbours, business associates and apparently random travel guests. When we for the first time were about to visit the grandparents in Passoscuro, I carefully enquired, whether it is really OK for the hosts that I join and the “of course – it’s a pleasure for us all!!” was not just said – it was heart-felt by me. When my bonus family is expecting guests at their house, I am always welcome to join the party – any even unannounced visit is encouraged at any time.

When my bonus family visited the other grandparents’ country house in Soriano in the beginning of May (at this stage only family contact was allowed) without me, Nicole’s mom was wondering: “but where is Cassandra?” and when I was able to join in during the next visit, I was welcomed as warmly as ever, naturally also left with requests to return at any time – even on my own. The way kids interact and behave with their friends and family members also reflect this intense inclusiveness.

I’ve noticed that this inclusiveness reaches also across generations within the family; in several places in Italy I have witnessed, how there is no necessary distinguishing between the kids’ table, discussion topic or business in general, as it seems that everyone is invited to the same party. At lake Garda during an evening with friends and family at the B & B I was staying at, there was a baby of maybe six months present. Swapping from lap to lap and sometimes going for a nap before returning again, he was as much part of the dinner gang as the rest of us. I remember telling Tomi: “I too want this type of party-baby when it’s time for me to reproduce”. When Nonno gets out a rope to do a game of rope-jumping, the entire family participates in the game, cherries are picked with the help of everyone across generations at the country house. When family matters are discussed, the kids participate in the talk and get to weigh in with their opinions, too. Of course, this type of inclusiveness shapes up a different kind of base for viewing social situations and communities within the culture. 

And it’s not just how people are perceived and included into the family, it’s also about treating one another like family members ought to do – supporting each other unconditionally, whilst knowing that what comes around, goes around. I’ve observed vegetables being ordered from the near-by farm and a set of these surreptitiously been given to friends struggling financially during the quarantine, cakes being swapped with baby clothes with neighbours and not to mention all the support on materialistic and emotional levels I have received – I currently have Nonna’s bicycle at my disposal, some Chamomilla tea hand-picked and dried by Nicole’s sister in my kitchen and skincare products of Nicole’s sister-in-law on my face. I’ve lost count on how many homes I’ve been asked to “consider as my own”, how I’m fed and taken care of in so many ways. Most people’s livelihoods are impacted during this crisis, but whatever one has, will be shared with the extended family – without question. This mentality really warms my heart.



Arturito (a stray dog who appeared on the country house weeks ago and doesn’t want to leave) and Bella, the amazing kitchen in the self-renovatd country house of Nicole’s parents, and Chamomilla tea of Nicole’s sister (check out her brand @car_lotta on Istagram!)


These past three months have been unforgettable and my gratitude and respect towards my Italian bonus family is immense – I hope I can reciprocate this hospitality, unconditional support and love someday. Everything this experience has given and taught me will be kept in my heart forever.


Bacio 💋 Cass